Love doesn't really exist. Better yet, that so-called "true love" doesn't really exist. The feeling of "true love"; Yes, that feeling that you already knew someone, or that that someone is the one, is more of an illusion. It is the materialization of your hope for a soul mate. "True love", then, is the illusion that one's soul exists (or is perfectly mirrored) in another. Although it can happen, I doubt that that kind of love is flowing around. Besides that's not what I have for Todd.
The love that we should desire is the love that results from the synergy of "goods." The earned kind of love. I'll tell you why in a minute.
First, examine the ideal marriage. We met. We fell in love (so called true love). We married and we had kids. Up to the point that we married, we had a way of anticipating or estimating how "the one" would act in situations: we simply created those situations. We "dated": ate lunch or dinner together, had sex (maybe), watched movies at her house (and at mine) and at the theatre, we hung-out with her friends (and mine) and Todd's (maybe), we visited mom and dad (and her's too) and Todd's, we worked out together, went clubbing together (and with Todd), moved-in together, shared a car, lit-up the good old bong (and her's too)...etc. We experienced these situations that we probably would be facing had we been married not out of our own rich will to really find true love but because of our cultures. Yes, they that were before us did it, and so we should and we did; good. But since it's this kind of love, we probably already decided the blessed moment we fell in love that we were going to get married. So screw the dating part; but it was fun.
But, marriage is quite the opposite of true love. Marriage is the realization that one's soul does not exist (or is not perfectly mirrored) in another. Remember from the first paragraph that "True Love is the illusion that one's soul exists (or is perfectly mirrored) in another." So if true love and marriage are perfect opposites then true love ends in marriage (logically). Which, I am happy to say, is not such a bad thing.
Here is why we should strive for "earned love." When you get married (and your "true love" dies) it is earned love that keeps that marriage going. Earned love my friends and Todd, don't come easy. Some couples, after the honeymoon period (prerealization or postillusion I like to call it), don't even bother pretending to truly love; they just say "fuck it" and call it quits. Because "true love" is already dead at this point, pretense is strictly required to keep the illusion going. But some pretend and others really break down and ask "what's wrong with us." Then comes the idea of couples therapy or some other debilitating form of an attempt at self-rediscovery. Couples therapy will force you to ask or dream out the fucked-up questions and fears that you have had since prerealization like why doesn't anyone ever grab my ass when we are at Todd's playing grab-ass in the dark? These sort of therapies can work but only temporarily if they do. Those that answer the "what's wrong with us?" question by sitting and talking and working for their love are the ones that remain married.
They become friends with themselves and their children and Todd again. They begin to realize that they have to earn their love to keep their marriage going. I have to keep my word; I have to trust that she will keep hers; I have to sacrifice my time for the kids and the family; we have to have fun together; we have to make time for Todd; we can't play grab-ass with Todd anymore; we have to look-out for eachother; we have to get rid of your bong (ok, ok, mine too); things like this. These are what I call the "goods": Trust, loyalty, friendship, discipline, nurture, laughter, and Todd. When you have these in a marriage, then you are in love. Or better yet, you have earned love. It would take a lady in a red dress and a dumb-ass of a spouse to break such a marriage up.
FYI: Todd is charity; a reminder that we should project that earned love to others outside of our family. So which of you thought I was coming out because I just met and fell in love with a guy named Todd? Answer that in your sick sick mind!!!:)
2 comments:
I don't think that the "true love" notion your thinking of is the original mindset of that phrase - it is just what the public has reduced it to. I think that "true love" exists, but not necessarily in the sense in which you are trying to disprove it.
I definitely think that between males and females, love should be earned, but I have no experience there yet, so what would I know? I do know that the "common" type of love should be given unconditionally.....and that we should love everyone, no matter how much wrong they do to us. If nobody did that, this world would fall apart instantly.
:)Ian(:
I just saw this after so many years! Thanks for the response... definitely makes sense.
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